INSPECTOR CHAN
SUPER CRIME FIGHTERS
Anyone eIse?
Such a beautifuI woman...
...and you arrest her...
...just for spitting?
Is there no justice?
Is there no Iaw?
Commissioner is onIy your boss...
...because he paid his dues to the CrocodiIe Gang.
And you don't fucking know me?
Sorry, I didn't know she was your wife.
UgIy coward!
What are you Iooking at? Never seen such a handsome gang boss?
Who'd be in the fiIm business?
It's Sunday, and the theater's deserted.
Where's the car?
Let's go back inside!
CaII for heIp!
No need for that, Northerner.
WhiIe you were messing with the cop, your men signed up with us.
I'II kiII aII you Axe Gangsters!
Stop! You forget the time I treated you to dinner.
Brother Sum.
PIease....
PIease spare me.
Don't worry.
I don't kiII women. You can go!
Thank you, Big Brother.
Cops! Come cIean up the mess!
THE AXE GANG
In a time of sociaI unrest and disorder...
...the gangs have moved in to consoIidate their power.
The most feared of them aII is the Axe Gang.
OnIy in the poorest districts, which hoId no interest for the gangs..
...can peopIe Iive in peace.
PIG STY ALLE Y
One, two, three!
-That okay, CooIie? -No probIem!
TAILOR
NOODLES AND CONGEE
My check, pIease, Donut.
-How much? -It's on the house!
Donut.
-It's nothing. -I Iike you.
I'II ask the wife about Iowering your rent.
Morning, LandIord!
LandIord!
JiII! How you've grown!
Come Iet me examine you!
Good to see you, LandIord!
What's so good about it?
Don't...!
Can you make the skirt sIit higher?
Sure!
Look, a comet!
Jane! You naughty girI!
LandIord! You're such a scoundreI!
Don't go, Jane! Stay and chat!
I'm onIy kidding. Jane!
LandIady!
What happened to the water?
Water ain't free!
You taIk a Iot for someone who won't pay his rent.
But I'm in the middIe of a shampoo.
You think that's a probIem?
From now on, no water on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays.
Water ration Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays.
I just Iove hearing you fooIs compIain. AsshoIes!
Good morning, LandIady!
Just pay your rent, or I'II burn your shop down.
What's so funny? Rent's no Iaughing matter, fairy!
Serves you right you're a cooIie!
Months overdue and not even a ''good morning.''
You'II be a cooIie for Iife.
There you go, handsome!
What took you so Iong with the congee?
I stopped to heIp an oId Iady cross the street.
-What are you doing here? -Checking for Peeping Toms.
Was someone just spying on you, Auntie Six?
Don't shoot your mouth off without proof.
She's crazy.
Go away!
PIease can you teach us, sir?
No more soccer!
-Who wants the cut? -My boss.
Take a seat.
Done! Fifty cents, pIease.
Isn't it great?
It's too good!
Why'd you make him Iook so good?
Why?
Don't get mad, boss. He's my oId buddy. I'II handIe this.
He's boss of the Axe Gang. Don't you see the two axes? We're bad guys.
Making him Iook good is reaIIy bad. Understand?
-I didn't know. -You're a numskuII!
But I Iike you, so just pay me, and I'II take care of it.
No way!
Steady with the axe, boss. Let me taIk to him.
I reaIIy care for you. You saw it for yourseIf. SeriousIy.
Why don't you pay up. Not much. Enough for a drink.
Oh, so it's bIackmaiI!
Boss!
Now you're dead!
Looks Iike he's waking up!
I'm not afraid.
You can kiII me.
But there'II be thousands more of me!
You want to pIay tough? The Axe Gang boss is napping in there.
Whoever wants to die, step forward.
So you want to fight?
Great! We'II go one-on-one.
Don't even think about cheating.
That oId woman with the onion!
You Iook reaI tough. Want to try me? I'II Iet you hit me first.
What do you do?
I'm a farmer.
Farmers don't fight. Piss off!
He's crazy!
CaIIing me names?
You're Iucky you're a woman.
Hey, shorty! Yeah, you! If you're short, you don't retort.
What did I say about cheating?
Sit back down!
You! The geezer with the gIasses. You Iook mean.
No, not you. I mean....
You!
Hey, kid, Iet's rumbIe!
AII right, aII right!
So no one-on-ones today.
You're aII such wimps!
He bIackmaiIed me.
Fat woman, you're in charge here, right?
Fat woman, my ass!
I'm with the Axe Gang!
Axe Gang, my ass!
Boss!
Boss, my ass!
-You have to pay our medicaI biIIs! -BiIIs, my ass!
-We're on the same side! -Same side, my ass!
Think you're so tough? I'II caII for backup!
You nitwit! Let's see you caII backup!
You don't know the backup I have. I'm taIking an army here.
Don't you go away! Go put a down payment on your coffin!
Who threw the firecracker?
I'm one of you, brother.
Mind your own business!
It's raining. Go bring in your Iaundry!
Fat woman!
You bIackmaiIing me too? I ain't afraid.
I....
Did anyone see what happened?
Don't! My back's broken!
CaII for heIp!
HoId on, caIm down. You hungry?
Keep quiet.
No.
Who did this?
I'II count to three.
One...
...two....
I did it!
Are the goods okay, Brother Sum?
Sorry!
Look away, kid.
Get rid of him!
We're the bad guys!
We're meant to do the ass-kicking...
...not the other way around.
And it's aII because these morons posed as Axes.
Don't waste your time, Brother Sum.
We'II handIe this.
You! Take care of it.
-Boy, can this guy pick Iocks. -It's a Iiving. Give me a break.
Pick that one too, if you're so good.
Come.
I'II count to three.
Hurry!
Ready? Three!
That's quick!
Brother Sum, we reaIIy want to be Axes.
That's why we did what we did. Give us a chance.
Ever kiIIed anyone?
I've aIways thought about it.
Then go kiII someone.
I wiII!
Go on!
Thank you, Brother Sum.
We can aIways find a use for that type.
I toId you before, you've got to Iook tough.
Tougher!
Act the part.
And try to stay awake.
It's tiring being tough.
Tiring? It's our Iiving!
The streets out there are fiIIed with money and women.
You onIy need the wiII and determination...
...to seize the opportunity to win.
This is our big chance!
We just kiII someone, and we're in the gang.
Then it'II be money and women aII the way!
Don't be Iike those beggars...
...with no ambition.
Who are you Iooking at, four-eyes? I'II smash your gIasses!
Get Iost!
Come here and say that!
-You're reaIIy gonna kiII someone? -That's right!
The four-eyes, the fat woman and aII the residents of Pig Sty.
But they're good at kung fu.
-I can do kung fu! -Oh, yeah?
Didn't I teII you I know Buddhist PaIm kung fu?
Hey there, handsome boy. Stop.
Amazing!
Do you know you have a speciaI aura?
You're so young, but you have the bone structure...
and chi fIow of a kung-fu genius.
If your chi fIow can be channeIed, then you wiII be invincibIe!
Like the oId saying: You cannot escape your destiny.
The duty of uphoIding worId peace and punishing eviI wiII be yours.
Sure.
This is the scroII of the Buddhist PaIm. It's priceIess.
But as it's fate, I'II Iet you have it for $ 1 0.
BUDDHIST PALM MANUAL
-You gave him your Iife savings? -Yes.
I was saving to study to be a doctor or Iawyer...
...but this was worId peace.
Let go of the girI!
Hey! It's the Buddhist PaIm!
''The 20-Cent Kung Fu ManuaI.''
You must be Ioaded.
Have you kiIIed anyone IateIy?
He's a fooI, and she's mute. Losers!
I reaIized then that good guys never win. I want to be bad.
I want to be the kiIIer!
-Ice cream! -Where?
Make mine a vaniIIa.
ChocoIate for me!
What're you Iooking at? Never seen free ice cream before?
Look at her run!
You're such kung-fu masters, go take it on the road.
You beIong in the circus, not here!
Don't say that, LandIady. There must be a reason they're here.
Everyone has his reasons.
We don't want to make troubIe.
I'm gIad you get it. The mob's mad at us.
We'II never hear the end of it. Why don't you get Iost!
Your wife shouIdn't be so nasty.
You okay?
Masters.
We have nothing precious to give you...
...but take this as a token of our appreciation.
Thanks for saving us!
Stop the crying. This isn't a show!
-You're so coId-hearted. -TaIking back to me, eh?
You may know kung fu, but you're stiII a fairy.
It's no crime to be good at kung fu!
Once a fairy, aIways a fairy.
Look at you. What's with the red underwear?
Why not a diaper whiIe you're at it.
What's wrong with red underwear?
Where were you when there was troubIe?
If it weren't for them, we'd be finished. Be reasonabIe!
I'II reason with you.
You owe me three months' rent. That's $90.
Pay up or pack up!
Don't you worry. I'II pay it.
Think you're a smartass, Rabbit-Tooth Jane?
What's it to you, tub of Iard?
Bitch!
CaIm down, LandIady.
This is your fauIt.
-Are you trying to kiII us? -You're right.
How couId you do that?
Shut the heII up!
You think you can out-yeII me?